Ladies, we heard you !

When Buddy Up Network launched as a friendship app 18 months ago, we were approached by a group of dynamic, independent and spirited women with disabilities urging us to allow our platform to function as a dating app. We were hesitant. Being mums of neurodivergent teens when we conceptualised our platform, the idea of seeking romance or a life partner was nowhere on the horizon for our boys. And we were nervous about entering  potentially murky territory that we knew very little about.

But as people began joining the platform, we noticed that a large percentage of our users –both men and women - were seeking friends of the opposite gender. This clearly indicated to us that a pressing need exists in the disability community – just as it does in the wider population – to find that special someone. Love, companionship and physical intimacy are basic human needs. But for people with disabilities, regular dating apps simply were not working. Many people we spoke to reported being ghosted upon revealing their disability and others said mainstream apps were simply not accessible.

The need soon hit home too. My own son, who was just 15 when we started planning Buddy Up turned 19 when the app launched and was single and ready to mingle! And so, we began to think seriously about expanding the scope of our app.

Being of a certain vintage ourselves, my partner Gopika and I had no experience of the online dating space. And so, much to the amusement of our friends and family, we signed up to Bumble, Tinder and Hinge and began exploring this alien territory with a mix of amusement and awe. We eventually decided that we would position Buddy Up as a friendship cum dating platform. Users can indicate on their profiles what they are looking for : friendship, love or both, communicating their intent. The statistics are interesting–-40% of our users are looking for friendship, 15% for love and 45% for both. This clearly indicates that for our users friendship remains a priority and is the foundation upon which relationships are built. 

Having taken the plunge into the dating space, as women founders, we were determined to make our platform a welcoming and comfortable space for women. This is no easy task. Worldwide, women are a minority on dating apps, and in India the male-female ratio is much more stark.  Indian women with disabilities cite parental disapproval as a reason for staying away from dating apps. Parents are often overprotective, infantilising their adult daughters and viewing them as asexual. And several disabled women simply lack the agency to seek their own partners.

Concern about safety, of course, is the other reason why women avoid online connections. So for us at Buddy Up Network, safety is a priority. Safety guidelines are prominently and constantly visible throughout the app. Every time someone shares a phone number, a pop-up message urges you to be cautious sharing personal details. A video call feature allows users to conduct  live verifications of the people they are chatting with. In March, we ran a women’s online safety webinar in conjunction with Point Of View, an organization that empowers women to shape and inhabit digital spaces. And we constantly reach out to our women users for ideas to make Buddy Up Network a better space for them. 

Our latest feature is a case in point. The option for women to initiate requests  was recommended by our women users. Social apps, with their highly skewed male to female ratios, can be intimidating places for women who feel overwhelmed by the bombardment of daily requests. With this feature, we hand over control to women. 

So ladies.. we get you! We heard you and will continue to listen to you. Hoping to see many more women sign up to Buddy Up Network and find friendship, love and community.