When Mihaan Met Vir

For years, ‘autism’ was one of those words in my vocabulary that I actually knew very little about. As mum to a child with Down Syndrome (DS), my world centered around the DS community. I had no reason to interact with the parents autistic children – I never thought I’d have much in common with them, or that autistic kids would have much in common with my son Mihaan. So, when I was looking for a buddy for Mihaan, and our pediatrician suggested he meet Vir, I wasn't quite sure about what to expect. 

The date was set. When the day arrived, Vir strode into the room with his mother, Gopika and greeted us politely without making eye contact. When asked questions, he answered, brows furrowed, with mostly monosyllabic responses that sounded almost angry! The baking session we had organised for the boys’ proceeded in a business-like manner. While Gopika and I chatted away on the sofa nearby, the boys barely spoke to each other and I was starting to wonder whether this meeting had been a bad idea. But all of a sudden, Mihaan cracked a joke and Vir flashed a dazzling smile that came out of nowhere and lit up the room! Later that evening when his parents asked him if he’d like to meet Mihaan again, the answer was a resounding yes! 

My reading of Vir’s initial body language had clearly been wrong. From my neurotypical lens, I had been unable to gauge that Vir was actually enjoying himself. Had this been a chance encounter somewhere, we would probably have walked away, and the possibility of the fabulous friendship the boys share today would have been aborted, thanks to a simple misperception. Thankfully, their encounter had a happy ending. 

In the years that followed, Mihaan and Vir’s friendship blossomed. The boys’ community expanded to include several youngsters with autism, and I learned what I now know to be true – that no two autistic individuals are alike, and with respect to social skills too, the spectrum is vast. Some autistic individuals are quiet and appear withdrawn, while others are chatterboxes. Some appear brusque and even grumpy, while others are polite and engaging. But today, being equipped with better understanding, 

what I’ve come to understand is this: many do seek and value connection, even if they express it in ways we don’t immediately recognise, and I now try to approach each interaction with openness.

It’s Autism Awareness Month and I think about how wonderful it would be if we could expand our understanding of varied styles of functioning and communicating, and recognise that some folk might simply be struggling to communicate, yet craving the warmth that human connection brings. If we could give people the time, space and opportunities to communicate in their own way, we could be rewarded by the possibility of rich interactions where we least expect them.